Relax, Loosen Up, Shake It Out
by usagi-strike
Summary: BEWARE, YE HOMOPHOBIC AND CHASTE OF HEART; HERE BE EROTIC YAOI AND BL. Well. That's what they all say, right before they shove their cock up your arse.


**Heh, had this idea suddenly while I was ironing clothes and was like "hm…". Well, first ever (like, EVER) yaoi fic, don't quite care if the pairing is weird. Thinking, should I do more yaoi in the future? Tempting idea, actually…**

**Wonder if people write about Link? Hope they do, I sorta wanna read some romantic shit about him, ya know? Especially after planning out a chapter for my other fanfic ("Jasdebi Red," check out **_**PLEASE?**_**) and reading "it's like being on broadway" by Novelist Pup. No **

**Link romance, sadly, but his personality in that was **_**very very**_** HOT. I think he's now on my list of fave characters, heheh. Well, enjoy!**

**Wait, don't do that yet. Reminder that this obviously takes place some time before Lavi's capture, Link's faked death, and Walker's escape, etc. Don't quite remember why that tidbit of information was important. Maybe I just enjoy rambling too much. Just read the rest of this now, if you will.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DGM.**

**these things are line breaks → OwO**

Relax

_That's what they all say, right before they shove their cock up your arse._

The blue-haired man stretched languorously on the bed of damp, tangled sheets, smiling in untroubled satisfaction when his outstretched hand made contact with his latest sexual conquest. Kanda forced his muscles to relax—he couldn't stay calm, not for long while with _that_ person—and, with a small exhalation, disentangled himself from the once-white sheets and pale, slender limbs, standing up with a grace that came with years of swordplay and meditation.

Dominating lesser men also came in handy as well.

Kanda gathered up his clothes, smirking when the person behind him began to stir. Who else should he subjugate today, he wondered?

**OxO**

Loosen Up

_That's what they all say, when their penis is just too damn big for your arse._

"You need to loosen up."

Howard Link didn't look up from the quickly-cooling scones laid out before him. "What do you mean?"

The ginger tilted his head at the blond and sighed. "You're so uptight all the time, Link! You should get out more and have fun, ya know?"

"That's a ridiculous notion, especially coming from one of the Bookman clan," the young German admonished, lightly placing a sprig of mint atop the dessert. He had to hurry, else Walker would run off in search of Leverrier's cache of baked sweets again. If the last incident were any indication, it would not end well. "Bookmen are supposed to distance themselves from others, aren't they? Why, then, are you prompting me to do otherwise?"

"Cuz ya aren't a Bookman!"

"That's beside the point." With careful hands, Link lifted the platter of pastries up into the air, admiring their golden crust and glistening jelly lathering. This batch had turned out better than expected. A pity its beauty would be lost on the like of someone like Walker, who couldn't appreciate culinary brilliance. He shook his head in disappointment. As long as it was _edible_…

Carefully placing the tray at the tip of his fingers, Link lifted the tray and briskly walked out of the kitchen, Lavi quickly falling into step beside him.

"Oi, Link—what're those for?"

"They're for Walker."

"Huh? Why'd ya make'im sweets? Are ya goin' sweet on the Moyashi?" Lavi teased, waggling his eyes in a ridiculously lewd and suggestive manner.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lavi. I made them only because Walker kept complaining about the hunger."

"I doubt that was the hunger he was referrin' to," the redhead chortled, popping one of the strawberry scones into his mouth. "Uhm, hey—these're actually pretty good!"

"I'll ignore that comment," Link brusquely replied, picking up his pace the tiniest bit so as to outwalk—he wouldn't do something so telling as _run_—the overly-talkative redheaded exorcist with too many sexual innuendos in his bandana'd head.

"Imma hafta introduce ya to some ladies after this," Lavi sighed, wrapping his arms around his head. When Link responded with a deadpan "I've no interest in women," the redheaded troublemaker's eyes glinted mischievously.

"Is that a subtle hint for me to go find you some guys?" The redhead pouted when Link gave him a disapproving frown.

"Ah, c'mon, Link, no needa be so embarrassed bout it! Lotsa people're homo!" As Link stalked away with his platter of goodies, Lavi called out after him. "You really needa loosen up though, Link! If ya want, I couold get Kanda to come help you with that, since he did such a good job with Allen!"

Link shook his head. For a Bookman, Lavi was far too interested in the lives—particularly the _love_ lives—of those around him.

**OvO**

"Oi, Two-spots. You gonna stop ignoring me, or am I gonna hafta run you through?"

Link sighed and closed the cookbook he'd been engrossed in for the past few minutes. "What do you want?" He'd been guarding his ward in the library for the majority of the day and would have continued to do so for the foreseeable future if Kanda Yuu hadn't materialized and scared off the white-haired youth.

"The BakaUsagi said you needed me."

Link raised one yellow eyebrow. "Did he now?" Perhaps that was why he'd seen a small flash of red out of the corner of his eye when Walker had rushed off.

He closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead. "Well, you've been misinformed. Now, if you'll excuse me…" A headache was coming on. That was becoming more and more common nowadays. A small frown pulled at his lips when the blue-haired exorcist blocked his path.

"Che. That's too bad. Seeing as I wasted my time coming here and _talking_ to your sorry ass, you better follow me." Link sighed yet again but reluctantly put away his book and stood up. It wouldn't do to have Walker facing the repercussions of his slothfulness.

With a derisive snort, Kanda walked away, and, with a small pursing of lips, Link reluctantly followed after.

**OxO**

"What is it that you wanted?" Link asked as they stopped in front of the Japanese male's room. For his troubles, he received a curt "Just shut up and get inside" as the samurai slammed the door open, which Link softly closed behind him as he entered the sparsely-adorned room of his colleague. He glanced around, taking in the bare white walls, the perfectly made bed.

Link blinked. On the nightstand was, uncharacteristically, a gently blooming lily in an hourglass, the petals falling in a slow daze. It was clearly unnatural—a picturesque perfection that shouldn't exist—since, for every petal that fell, another blossomed in its place.

He stiffened when an arm encircled him from behind. "What—?" Roughly, a hand pressed up against his face with a damp handkerchief. He tried to twist out of the arms of his assailant, but the grip on him was too firm, the drugs in his system too soon.

As his vision tunneled, the strength left his body, and Link sagged to the floor. The last thing he managed to glimpse before slipping into oblivion were cold, dark eyes.

**O_O**

"_Link!" When he heard the familiar voice call out his name, the young German boy—now a teenager—turned around. He frowned when Tewaku threw herself at him._

"_Tewaku," he admonished, trying—and failing—to remove her arms. "What are you doing?" He sighed when the young blond merely wrapped her arms more tightly around his waist._

"_You can't go, Link," she murmured, looking up at him with unusually bright, tear-filled eyes._

"_Of course I can, Tewaku. I have to." Link would not, _could_ not, fail Leverrier, his superior officer. He was the one who had made this new life possible, after all._

"_B-But, but I…" She stood up on the tips of her toes and threw her arms around his neck. "I-I love you…"_

"_As I do you. We're family, after all. You're like my little sister."_

_Link blinked when Tewaku pushed away slightly and glared at him. "Link, I already have a brother. You're not him."_

_A heavy rock settled in his stomach. "I-I always thought…"_

"_If you were my brother, Link, I wouldn't love you the way I do."_

_A feeling of relief shot through him, quickly followed by embarrassment and guilt. Link gently pushed her away. "You don't know what you're talking about, Tewaku. You're barely twelve. How would you know what love is?"_

_She glared at him. "I know what my body wants, Link, and what I want—" She clasped his face in her hands—_they hadn't been so large, had they?_ "What I want is _you_." He blinked in astonishment when he suddenly found chapped lips—_strange, he remembered them being… softer_—pressed against his. He started when his shirt was suddenly slipped off his shoulders_—she couldn't possibly be this experienced, could she?_—and a pair of hands slid down his bare chest._

When he felt a hand roughly grip his cock, Link jerked fully awake.

He surged forward but fell back against the bed in surprise when he found that he… couldn't. He soon discovered why.

All his limbs were tied to the bedposts.

"I was wondering how long you were gonna sleep." With a growing sense of dread, Link looked at the person straddling his waist. Kanda smirked at him, flicking a long stray strand of blue hair over one shoulder. The blond man looked away, a light flush rushing up his neck when he realized his clothes were lying in an abandoned pile on the floor.

"What is the meaning of this, Kanda?" he demanded, pulling at the bonds keeping him from literally gathering up what was left of his dignity and rushing from the room and the strange man in it.

"Didn't you hear me before? The BakaUsagi said you needed me."

"I've no need of someone like _you_," Link replied with narrowed eyes. How some perversion like him that went against the natural order God created for the world ended up in the Order was beyond him.

"Che. Your body says differently," Kanda smirked, giving Link's shaft a disdainful flick before roughly grabbing the erection and giving it a furious pumping that made the blond man squirm in growing, shameful desire.

"Unhand me, you damned sinner." When Kanda did just that, Link sighed in relief, a relief which quickly turned to alarm when the young Japanese man bent forward, his head hovering over Link's cock, which was oozing copious amounts of precum.

"Don't—!" The rest of Link's command was lost when Kanda gave his shaft a precursory lick, taking more torturously languorous laps when Link tried to angle his hips away. The blond man squirmed and bit back a groan as the blue-haired man quickly put his mouth to work, licking up and down his dripping length and giving his scrotum a mocking masticate before taking the entire thing into his mouth and deep throating it.

Despite himself, Link couldn't stop the moan of pleasure that slipped past his parted mouth, nor could he stop his hips from thrusting into Kanda's mouth. The other man responded by forcefully pushing his hips back onto the bed, holding them there as he bit and tugged at the stiff member, suckling it as Link panted and bucked beneath him. With a few more administrations of tongue, Link came with a shuddering gasp, his hips breaking free of Kanda's grasp and thrusting repeatedly, filling the hot, moist depths surrounding his throbbing manhood with liquid proof of his newfound twisted desires.

So clouded was Link by the haze of sexual euphoria that he didn't quite notice the hands cupping his buttocks until he felt fingers probe questioningly at his anus. "W-What are you…?" He stiffened and arched his hips back into the air when Kanda pushed a finger up his hole.

"K-Kanda—ungh…" Link let out a breathless moan, shifting in growing discomfort when Kanda inserted another finger, scissoring and stretching his insides. Link cried out again when Kanda plunged his fingers deeper, searching for a sweet spot he knew to be there.

Link clenched his jaw. "D-Damn you…" The motions stopped. He turned his face away when Kanda suddenly leaned forward, trembling when navy blue locks trailed feather-light against his chest. Link shivered at the dark look in those deep brown eyes.

"You… you're just as damned as I am." Grabbing the nape of Link's neck with his free hand, Kanda crushed his lips against Link's. Kanda smirked when he refused to deepen the kiss, and Link gasped when he felt a sudden lance of pain in his rear end, the damned blue-haired fiend slipping his tongue into Link's mouth as he did.

Link could taste the salty tang of fresh cum on his tongue, could smell the heady scent of hot, sweaty sex on his skin. If it weren't for the bonds, he feared he would be running his hands across that sweaty expanse of porcelain skin, that taut, sensitive erection he knew to be hovering mere inches above his own, which had returned in full force thanks to Kanda's administrations.

He grunted as the scissoring motions began once more, though the long, deep kiss of contesting wills did help to distract from the pain, though even that wasn't enough when Kanda suddenly found what it was he'd been looking for: Link's prostate.

Kanda broke the kiss when Link bucked underneath him, instead using his free hand to hold him down while he quickly removed his fingers.

"This'll be good enough," Kanda smirked, lifting Link's hips as much as the bonds would allow as he positioned his swelling manhood between Link's prostrated legs.

Link let out a strangled shout of pain. The fingers hadn't prepared him for Kanda's cock at all, and as Kanda forcefully shoved himself into him, stripping him of the niceties of adjusting, Link screamed, furiously clenching and unclenching his muscles as Kanda roughly, wildly plunged into him, hitting his prostate with each and every thrust. An uncharacteristic whimper slipped past his parted lips when Kanda gruffly seized his erection once more, pumping it vigorously until it matched the same frantic tempo of his wild thrusts.

The moment Kanda came, Link knew it by the warmth pooling in him and the groan sounding above him, and it wasn't long before he came as well, spraying Kanda's chest with a deceitfully innocent white and filling the room with sounds of his satisfaction.

"K-Kanda…" Link winced as Kanda slid out of him, and he flopped back onto the bed in a boneless heap when the hand holding his hips disappeared. Without a word, Kanda left, shutting a door loudly behind him as he did.

"Kanda! Come back here! Let me out!" His shouts were met with silence.

Breathing heavily as he tested the bonds on his limbs once more, Link tried to wrap his mind around what had just transpired. He had just lost his virginity… to a man. Who often resembled a woman, true, but… had a cock of his own, nevertheless.

Despite trying to fight it, he had greatly, perversely enjoyed the act. Surely one of his spells would have been able to incapacitate the exorcist, stop him from doing the deed, if he'd wanted it to. Which meant that he hadn't, didn't it?

A small divot of worry appeared on Link's face. God did not forgive—often damned—those who deviated from His plans. What would He—not to mention _Leverrier_—do, once he got his hands on a perversion like him…?

This worry was replaced by a more pressing one when the blue-haired man returned, this time with several more playthings in hand.

**O.O**

Allen frowned at Lavi as the redhead buried his head in the crook of his neck and gave him a loving, affectionate nibble.

"Come on, Lavi, we should stop, go help Link—" The rest of his words were cut off as the older boy covered his mouth with his lips, inserting his tongue into his mouth as his deft fingers probed the younger boy's entrance.

"That's mean, Moyashi," Lavi growled in between hot, lingering kisses. "Talkin' bout some other guy while I'm right here havin' a hard on." As if to emphasize his point, he roughly grinded his hard member against Allen's crotch.

"But Kanda's too rough to be _anyone's_ first." The sick bastard didn't bother with any lube—_at all_—just to make it more painful for his victims.

"Stop talkin' bout Link. This is the only time we got alone, so we should use it wisely 'fore your keeper comes back."

"But Lavi—" The protest died on his lips, morphing into a breathless moan when Lavi's hot, naked body pressed closer up against his.

"L-Lavi…" he breathed, arching his body against that of his red-haired lover as his persistent kisses and probing touches caused Allen's member to go rigid and hard again. He gasped when he felt Lavi touch something inside of him, squirming against the heavy body pressing down atop him as the twinge of pain bypassed the pleasure and reached his brain.

"Damn it, Allen, how'd you get so _tight_ already?" Lavi growled, prompting a gasp from the white-haired boy as, without warning or preparation, he inserted another two digits. "Did all that work Kanda do yesterday go to waste _already?_" Allen whimpered when, without waiting for a reply, Lavi's hand encircled Allen's stiff member and began innocently running up and down its length, hinting at more pleasurable events to come.

Allen panted, pushing his hips up against Lavi as the redhead's fingers pushed the need in his shivering body—not to mention his erect penis—to greater heights. "G-Get rid of your damn fingers! I want—!"

"What'd ya say, Allen? You don't want my fingers?" Allen hissed in annoyance when his penis was left precipitously, deplorably alone.

"T-Those aren't the ones I was talking about…!"

"Ah, you meant _these_ ones, then?" the redhead lightly chuckled, shoving his fingers especially deep into Allen's ass, eliciting a suppressed moan of pleasure as he did.

Allen furiously nodded his head as a faint cry of satisfaction reached his ears through the thin plaster walls. "I-I can't take it anymore, just… hurry up and _fuck_ me already, damn it!" He was so damn _horny_ now because of Lavi's teasing, and the creaking coming from Kanda's room wasn't doing much to rid him of the burning need in his cock.

Allen hissed when Lavi removed his fingers from his anus. "What's the proper way of askin', Allen?"

The white-haired boy gritted his teeth. Anything to get Lavi to just do the deed already. "Please, Seme-sama, put your enormous cock in me."

"Alrightie, Allen, if ya say so," Lavi smirked, parting Allen's legs and positioning himself. "We shouldn't let those two outdo us, right?" Another faint moan reached his ears, and Allen hurriedly nodded.

It wasn't long after that that another set of moans and groans added themselves to the shamefully immoral discord within the dark halls of the Order.

**OwO**

Shake It Out

_That's what they all say, when they're too lazy to take their prick out of your arse._

Link liked to think himself a rather level-headed diplomat of sorts, but after his encounter with the Japanese exorcist, he couldn't seem to recollect himself. Whenever he came into contact with the other—not _physical_ contact, of course—he would be hit by sudden bouts of lusty desire that, before, would have been unheard of.

He couldn't seem to bring up the incident with Kanda, nor could he seem to bury it. The order in his life had been disrupted, and Kanda, knowing this, acted as if nothing had occurred.

That Link felt like a woman spurned was an understatement, to say the least.

After another failed attempt at diplomacy, Link decided to take it up at the source.

He cornered the redhead while he was in his room changing.

"Holy—! Shit, Link, you scared the crap outta me!" Lavi chuckled, absentmindedly rubbing at his head. "Whatcha doin' here?"

Link smiled serenely at the redhead as he surreptitiously removed several spell strips from his back pocket. "Nothing, really. I merely came here to have you partake in something with me."

"Eh, really? What's that?" While the Junior Bookman was turned around, a wet towel still tied around his waist, Link moved forward and, with a murmured "Mamori Bane" affixed the defensive seal to the small dresser adjacent to the bed. Just for good measure, he added several Shibari and Kinji Bane as well. He turned around and found Lavi staring at him curiously, wariness and suspicion taking root in his eye.

"What're you doin', Link…?"

Link smiled a polite, only _slightly_ predatory smile, undoing the drawstrings of his trousers. "Exacting revenge."

**O[]O**

**Poor Link… Pffft, kidding. We all know he enjoyed it. Sorry bout his off-kilter personality (predominantly during the smutty yaoi smex scene and ****Shake It Out****) in this (possibly Kanda's and Tewaku's as well?), as well as the very-much cliché drugging scene, hahaaah.**

**You know, I started this in, like February (which is also when I wrote the black bolded stuff up there). Didn't finish til now cuz I didn't quite know how to transition from the first segment of ****Loosen Up**** to the next… if some parts came out rushed, that's because I was rushing towards the end (not of the story itself, but the writing of it—I tend to jump around in writing my fanfics, heheh…). Wasn't gonna end it like how I did, hahah... Link definitely wasn't gonna go rape Lavi, he was only gonna get invited to some makeout sessions or something.**

**Er, was that one Laven part unexpected/unwelcome? I wasn't going to do that originally (don't know how I was gonna do it at all, actually) but then I was like "heeeey~" at the library scene, since I needed a more plausible explanation for Allen's disappearance (****Relax**** was written after ****Loosen Up**** and ****Shake It Out****, jus so ya knooow~).**

**But… well, now that it's done, what do yall think? REVIEW, please! Or if not… flame! I wanna know what I did/didn't do right! Anyways, hope this didn't suck too much? Hope yall willing to cut me **_**some**_** slack (seeing as I'm a dewy-eyed virgin with no real experience i.e. no real idea of how long someone's hole[s] can remain "tight" and what really counts as losing their virginity for a guy) and keep reading the other yaoi I have planned for the future. Ooh, expect a Yullen (?) series soon, after I finish up another two yaoi one-shots (that I started at the same time as this but didn't get around to finishing either)!**

**Fujoshi FTW, YALL! Also our lovely, much-revered seme/uke masters out there that make the world go round, though I wish yall wouldn't relegate all the interesting ways to have lovely, fun-filled sex jus to yourselves… why dontcha throw in a fangirl, ne?**


End file.
